


Tony Stark May Be Crazy, But He's Not Crazy

by vidocqsociety



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Fix-It, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-18
Updated: 2012-08-18
Packaged: 2017-11-12 09:37:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/489432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vidocqsociety/pseuds/vidocqsociety
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five times Tony Stark thinks he sees Agent Coulson, and the one time he knows he does.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tony Stark May Be Crazy, But He's Not Crazy

The first time Tony thinks he sees Coulson, he's alone in the break room. He and Bruce are working on a vaccine for the next time an alien decides to hose them all down with what they ended up calling "crazy pollen." Because that's pretty much what it drove them to: complete and total madness.

Because when Natasha Romanov starts pirouetting whilst humming extracts from Prokofiev's Romeo & Juliet, something is seriously, _seriously_ wrong.

She still took out six alien soldiers in as many minutes, so really, joke's on them. 

"Why is it never sex pollen?" he asks himself, double-checking the coffee in Bruce's cup is decaf. He sees Coulson's reflection in the microwave, eyebrow raised as if to say 'because the entire universe knows you, that's why'. He walks away.

Tony forgets the coffee and runs out into the hall. Empty in either direction, without even the sound of footsteps to reassure him.

"Pollen," he tells himself. "It's just the pollen." He rubs his face with both hands. "Seriously. Sex pollen. That is _not_ too much to ask." He grabs the two mugs and goes back to the lab.

He doesn't mention it to Bruce.

*

The second time Tony thinks he sees Coulson, he's with Steve. They're at the table on the bridge of the helicarrier, pouring over a map trying to figure out just exactly where Doom was planning on striking first.

"Obviously he's going to hit the UN--they denied Latveria membership again--but that's too small a... tar... get..."

Along one of the catwalks walks Coulson, his purposeful stride unmistakeable. They watch him disappear down a hallway.

"That happened, right?" Tony asks, his voice low. "He was there?" Beside him, Steve nods, wide-eyed.

At least now Tony knows he isn't crazy.

*

The third time Tony thinks he sees Coulson, it's at the weapons range. He's watching Clint test out a new bow he's made him. It's lighter, compacts smaller, and the string won't wear out as quickly. So far, it looks pretty good.

"I gotta hand it to you, Stark," Clint says, running his finger along the bowstring. "You know your shit."

"Eloquently put as always, Agent Barton. Thank you."

Clint draws another arrow and aims high. Tony follows the line. They both see, in the small observation window, a familiar stern face. It grins, and then disappears in an instant. Clint looses the arrow, still looking at the window. It arcs through the air and lands dead center on top of the target.

"You saw him, right?" Tony asks.

"I think I did." Clint frowns. His eyes are his most important asset. If he can't trust them, he's useless. "Did you?"

"That's the third time. The first, it was after the pollen, so I just thought I was still hallucinating, but then Steve said he saw him, and now..."

"You think we're still affected?"

"No. Bruce ran tests. No residuals. Clint, either that was Coulson, or you, me, and Cap are all hallucinating the same weird shit."

Clint glances back up at the window. It's just two R&D guys talking. No. He knows what he saw. "That was Coulson."

"I knew it," says Tony, unable to help feeling victorious.

Clint folds up his bow and attaches it to his quiver. "That does beg the question: what the hell is going on?"

*

The fourth time Tony thinks he sees Coulson, he's with Bruce. They're in the lab. Bruce is doing something ridculously precise and therefore boring. Tony is staring of the window overlooking the bridge when he sees him. "BRUCE."

Bruce nearly jumps out of his skin. The experiment's destroyed. He shoves his goggles up, trying very hard to remain calm. "What?"

Tony's pressed against the window like a kid at Christmas. "I _saw_ him."

"What are you talking about?"

"Look-look-look!" Tony ushers Bruce over to the window. He points to a man leaning over to check a screen. He straightens, and looks up to meet their eyes. Bruce inhales sharply.

"That's not--"

"Yeah. It is."

"But--"

"I know."

"They said--"

"I know."

Bruce pulls his goggles off entirely. "What in the hell...?"

"That I _don't_ know," Tony said. "But I'm working on finding out."

*

The fifth time Tony sees Coulson, he's getting yelled at by Agent Hill. He stands there, arms folded, waiting for her to finish. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees him: dark suit, blue folders, amused grin. He cuts Hill off, hissing " _Look!_ " and pointing at Coulson as he turns down a hallway.

"Look at _what_?" she asks, looking around.

"There. _There_!" Coulson could be seen through the blinds in the windows of the corridor. "You can see him! I _know_ you can see him!"

Hill looks him dead in the eye and says evenly, "I have no idea what you're talking about."

Tony knows when he's being lied to--he should, because he's a professional. He doesn't back down from Hill. Instead, he asks, "Where's Fury?"

\----------

"You _lied_ to us?!" 

Fury gives Tony his best 'are you serious?' face. "And why, might I ask, is that a surprise to you?" 

"Isn't to me," Steve mumbles, looking at the table. Tony cocks an eyebrow at him in question. Steve explains: "They built an entire 1940s room for me when I woke up. Almost had me fooled, but the radio was playing a game I was at." 

"Knew I should've put Coulson in charge of that," Fury mutters, leaning back in his chair. 

"What I'm saying is that I'm pretty sure they'd put some red paint on some cards to light a fire under us." 

"And it worked." 

"And I finally got a vacation." Coulson says from the doorway, carrying files. "Those briefs you wanted, sir." He steps forward and hands them to Fury. 

"He's there, right?" Tony asks. "You can see him?" 

"He's there," Fury confirms.

"Wait, the cards--you spent years hunting those things down," Tony says to Coulson. He turns to Fury. "You ruined them and he hasn't shot you yet?"

"Fakes," Fury says. "How stupid do you think I am, Stark? I know not to touch the man's cards."

The thought of seeing his picture covered in what he thought was Agent Coulson's blood still unnerves Steve. So he changes the subject. "Where have you been all this time?"

"Cote d'Azur," Coulson replies. "Saint Tropez. Lovely beaches." 

"So he's real?" Tony looks for confirmation. "And alive?" 

Coulson is enjoying Tony's confusion. "And only a little worse for wear." 

" _How_ is he alive?" Bruce asks. "I read the reports. The damage--well, the reported damaged seemed pretty extensive."

"They were... exaggerated," Fury says. "Loki sliced a couple of major arteries, but managed to miss the important things, like his heart. A few blood transfusions and surgeries later, Coulson's back in one piece. He's taking it slow for the next few months, but he should be back up to speed soon enough."

"Blood transfusions?" Tony asks. "You keep blood on this ship? Where did you--?"

"For Coulson specifically?" Fury asks. "Captain Rogers here. Only other A-neg on the helicarrier." 

"So Cap's number one fanboy now has his actual _blood_ inside him?" Tony asks. He turns to Steve. "Don't you find that creepy?" 

"I'm glad I could help," Steve says. "If you need me to replace what was used--"

"We got some when you were in medical those last couple times. From all of you."

"You're _stealing_ our _blood_?!" Tony cries. "What the hell kind of organization is this?"

"An efficient one. Anything else?"

"Yeah." Clint finally decides to speak up. "I've been stabbed a bunch of times. Where's _my_ trip to the Cote d'Azur?"

**Author's Note:**

> I kind of pictured Natasha humming "[Dance of the Knights](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZB3sd2BAxys)," because, at one point, it involves swords (about 6:00). And she is gonna be all over that.


End file.
